Love and Communication

Love is something I've always looked for. Someone I can live life with, for the rest of my life. I've never really told anyone that I wanted this, because I felt like no one would understand. I've gone through a lot of break ups, and I never once gave up them. They gave up on me. I realized that I trused to easily, and I fell to fast. But I always had doubts, however I never told anyone these doubts. I never told anyone because I was afraid that if I said it out load it would become reality. But now that I'm in a stable relationship, I realize now that the doubts I had, were fears. In a relationships, communication is the number one thing. With out communication, it will not work. Communication is very hard for most people, opening up is very scary. I know this first hand. But if you truly love someone, and they truly love you. You both will trust each other with your fears and doubts. You both will except them, and move on from them. After excepting all the bad things, it's easier to except the good things. Because if your focused on all the bad things, you don't believe the good things when they happen. Then they turn into bad things. Excepting what you have done, is probably the most important thing in a relationship. 

After my last break up, I went into a down hill spiral. My current boyfriend was the one who pulled me out of it. I didn't think I was ever going to find a guy that could put up with me again. But hope and faith were on my side. The night that I decided to stop looking for love, he started texting me. We started dating two weeks later. From the beginning, I knew it was going to be different. The way he talked to me, and the way he treated me. Was way different from my past relationships. We have been fighting a lot, this is were I learned that you have to state your fears to the other person. When I was completely honest with him. He came out and was completely honest with me. After that, we fought lesser and lesser. We are doing better now, communication saved it. In a relationship you are always learning. But you have to be willing to learn, for it to work.

Rainy Spring Day

I love the rain. I can't tell you why I love the rain, but it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Most people think that rain is cold, wet, and depressing. But not to me. After the winter that we had, it makes me smile, looking out today and seeing rain coming down. Rainy days are my favorite, don't get me wrong I'd take a warm summer day over a rainy spring day. But right now, I'll take a wet rainy day over a freezing winter day. I was tired of walking outside and having my face ache because of how cold it was. I loved walking outside today and saying 'DAMN! It's warm out here!' It feels good to say that. This winter has been the worse, and seeing the rain coming down today. Really makes me feel like there is a light at the end of this cold freezing tunnel. Every winter I get depressed, without fail. I've taken pills and gone to the doctors. To try to get my depression to go away. Who knew that all it took to get my depression to go away was a rainy day. (Hey that rhyme!) Rain can be a warm thing, it's all about your attitude. You can always make a bad day, a good one. Just with your attitude. So when you look out at the raining day today. Think in your mind, that this wet rainy day is just one step away from a warm summer day, and it's melting all this f****** snow!!!!!

My Big Lesson

Life's not fair, but still it's good.  When in doubt, just take the next small step. I could sit here and tell you all the bullshit that life can be. But I'm not going to. Life is way more then bad times, life is determined on you attitude. If you have a horrible attitude towareds life, it will come back and bite you in the ass. I know this first hand. I had a rebal attitude towards the law and all adult figures. I thought 'Oh I'll never get caught' 'Oh it will never be me.' Well that came back and hit me in the face, hard. I loved to speed, I love that feeling you have when you look down at the speedometer and your going 100 mph. Well that feeling made me over look the law. The first time I got caught speeding, I got caught for going 22 over. I was going 62 mph in a 40 mph zone. I wasn't going anywhere important, I was only going to school. But I was completely honest with the cop, that there was no reason for me to be speeding down a back road at 7:30 in the morning. So because I was so honest he gave me a ticket for going 14 over, in stead of 22 over. Long story short, I got my license taken away for a month because I was still in the 9 month period where I couldn't get in trouble. I guess I didn't learn my lesson, because not even four months later I got caught speeding home from my boy friends house. In my defense I was late for my curfew, 10:00 PM. I was going 49 mph in a 30 mph. Again I was honest with the cop that I was late for curfew, and he let me go with a ticket for 14 over, once again. 2 weeks later, after paying the ticket. I get a notice in the mail that my license was being suspended once again. But this time instead of 30 days, this suspendtion was going to last for 180 days, 6 MONTHS!!!!! The letter stated that my license suspendtion would start March 28, 2015. I cried and cried because I knew that it was all my fault. That day my attitude change dramatically. Lifes to short to speed, because it's not worth the consequences. So on Saturday I have to give up my freedom for 6 months but I know it's my fault, and I have accepted it. That's all I can do for now, and hopefully learn from this big mistake.